This month I have a special treat for you: two guest posts! Jennifer, one of my favorite bloggers and friend, had come to me asking to write this post and there is absolutely no way I could say no. While I am excited to have her on the blog again (she is a welcome regular), I am sad that it is under this circumstance. Her situation is something that I am sure we have all been through in one way or another. It's heartbreaking, but here's to coming out stronger than we realized.
Hello friends. This is Jennifer.
Here I am hiding out on Amber's blog because I can't even use my own to discuss something that has been eating me alive for the past five months.
On one hand, I'm happy that almost everyone in my life knows about my blog. On the other hand, it sucks that I can't even talk about the deepest darkest realms of my personal life with my close blogging friends anymore because of it.
So, here I am. Thanks, Amber, for allowing me to use your Mouthwash.
If you have been familiar with my blog for a long time, you know that I had a certain best friend in my life. A girl who was more than a best friend, really. A sister. Someone I became best friends with five years ago and thought I would have in my life forever.
I'm sorry to say that five months ago, she stopped being anything to me. It is the most severe friendship break-up I have ever had in my life.
It didn't come out of the blue, however. It was a snowball effect. She is a severely mentally disturbed young woman. I ignored the warnings from her family. I turned a blind eye to her immoral behavior. We had become so close, I forgave her for every disgusting action. I watched in silence as she cheated on her boyfriend for three years. My protests went ignored when she turned to drugs. I pretended not to notice when she made fun of fat or unattractive strangers to their face.
But, she didn't let me remain a bystander.
She constantly told me how much more prettier and skinnier she was than me. One time she did it right in front of a former coworker of mine at a tea party. (Six months later the coworker confided she wasn't sure what horrified her more: the fact that my best friend was saying such cruel things to me or the fact that I never even defended myself, because I seemed so used to the treatment).
She stole precious and sentimental jewelry from me. When I noticed the pieces missing, she kept telling me she hoped I would find them. I did find them a few months later...in her ROOM.
The last straw was regarding a road trip to New York which we had spent a year planning. It was all we could talk about and we spent months preparing all the details and we were incredibly excited. One week before the trip, she revealed that she would rather go on the trip with some new girls from her fashion school, rather than with me. She said these girls could get her into the hottest clubs in NYC and I seemed more interested in visiting museums, which bored her. She apologized and said, "no hard feelings, right?"
I was absolutely heartbroken. That was the last time we spoke. Five months ago.
I'm thankful she is out of my life. I'm horrified that I allowed myself to be abused by a close friend for so long.
But, I have to admit: losing a best friend SUCKS.
It's embarrassing to reveal this, but I'm lonely. She was a huge part of my social life and now it's gone.
Plus, the hardest part is seeing on Facebook how quickly she has moved on. She has a new best friend (ironically, a girl of Indian descent). She's still partying all the time. She's still pretending to be so cute and innocent in her status updates. It makes me sick every time one of our 44 mutual friends "likes" her status or makes a comment. If they only knew...
It's sort of like having to deal with an ex-boyfriend or something.
And the thing is, I should probably delete her as a friend, but I keep thinking it would be childish and accomplish nothing, since I would still see all her stupid comments on 44 different status updates anyway.
Plus, I'm practically in her family. It's a very complicated situation.
So for the past five months I have just been a wreck because of this whole mess.
I spent a lot of nights crying. And I couldn't even blog about it because her entire family loves my blog. It just seems so inappropriate to bring it up.
I wish I knew how to deal with it all...
Thank you for reading.
PS. Thanks again Amber for being the sweetest bloggy bff and allowing me to use your blog as my own for a post. xoxo
Any kind words or advice for Jennifer? Leave her some love in the comments.