A Natural Hair and fashion lifestyle blog based in Sonoma County, in the heart of Wine Country. Amber serves up inspiration for winery tourism, vegetarian recipes, style, and skincare.

Guest Post: Best Friends Forever, right?

This month I have a special treat for you: two guest posts! Jennifer, one of my favorite bloggers and friend, had come to me asking to write this post and there is absolutely no way I could say no. While I am excited to have her on the blog again (she is a welcome regular), I am sad that it is under this circumstance. Her situation is something that I am sure we have all been through in one way or another. It's heartbreaking, but here's to coming out stronger than we realized. 

Hello friends. This is Jennifer.

Here I am hiding out on Amber's blog because I can't even use my own to discuss something that has been eating me alive for the past five months.

On one hand, I'm happy that almost everyone in my life knows about my blog. On the other hand, it sucks that I can't even talk about the deepest darkest realms of my personal life with my close blogging friends anymore because of it.

So, here I am. Thanks, Amber, for allowing me to use your Mouthwash.

If you have been familiar with my blog for a long time, you know that I had a certain best friend in my life. A girl who was more than a best friend, really. A sister. Someone I became best friends with five years ago and thought I would have in my life forever.

I'm sorry to say that five months ago, she stopped being anything to me. It is the most severe friendship break-up I have ever had in my life.

It didn't come out of the blue, however. It was a snowball effect. She is a severely mentally disturbed young woman. I ignored the warnings from her family. I turned a blind eye to her immoral behavior. We had become so close, I forgave her for every disgusting action. I watched in silence as she cheated on her boyfriend for three years. My protests went ignored when she turned to drugs. I pretended not to notice when she made fun of fat or unattractive strangers to their face.

But, she didn't let me remain a bystander.

She constantly told me how much more prettier and skinnier she was than me. One time she did it right in front of a former coworker of mine at a tea party. (Six months later the coworker confided she wasn't sure what horrified her more: the fact that my best friend was saying such cruel things to me or the fact that I never even defended myself, because I seemed so used to the treatment).

She stole precious and sentimental jewelry from me. When I noticed the pieces missing, she kept telling me she hoped I would find them. I did find them a few months later...in her ROOM.

The last straw was regarding a road trip to New York which we had spent a year planning. It was all we could talk about and we spent months preparing all the details and we were incredibly excited. One week before the trip, she revealed that she would rather go on the trip with some new girls from her fashion school, rather than with me. She said these girls could get her into the hottest clubs in NYC and I seemed more interested in visiting museums, which bored her. She apologized and said, "no hard feelings, right?"

I was absolutely heartbroken. That was the last time we spoke. Five months ago.

I'm thankful she is out of my life. I'm horrified that I allowed myself to be abused by a close friend for so long.

But, I have to admit: losing a best friend SUCKS.

It's embarrassing to reveal this, but I'm lonely. She was a huge part of my social life and now it's gone.

Plus, the hardest part is seeing on Facebook how quickly she has moved on. She has a new best friend (ironically, a girl of Indian descent). She's still partying all the time. She's still pretending to be so cute and innocent in her status updates. It makes me sick every time one of our 44 mutual friends "likes" her status or makes a comment. If they only knew...

It's sort of like having to deal with an ex-boyfriend or something.

And the thing is, I should probably delete her as a friend, but I keep thinking it would be childish and accomplish nothing, since I would still see all her stupid comments on 44 different status updates anyway.

Plus, I'm practically in her family. It's a very complicated situation.

So for the past five months I have just been a wreck because of this whole mess.

I spent a lot of nights crying. And I couldn't even blog about it because her entire family loves my blog. It just seems so inappropriate to bring it up.

I wish I knew how to deal with it all...

Thank you for reading.

PS. Thanks again Amber for being the sweetest bloggy bff and allowing me to use your blog as my own for a post. xoxo

Any kind words or advice for Jennifer? Leave her some love in the comments.


  1. Oh Jen! I am so glad you wrote this and so happy that Amber let you use her space!!! I am glad you made the tough decision and did what is right FOR YOU!

    You are not lonely. We are ALL here for you ... but I know what you mean to feel a void in day to day life ... well you know you will meet new people and life is better lonely than destructive.

    Lots and Lots of love and power to you!!!

    ♡ from © tanvii.com

  2. Nobody should be subjected to that kind of treatment. You are a beautiful, intelligent lady J...and you deserve a bestie who's going to build you up...not tear you down!

  3. It may hurt now, but Jen - you are SO MUCH BETTER without her.

    100% healthier.

    I promise.

  4. It's so horrible to me how we can spend years embedding another person into our lives and then just walk out of it and we have to deal with the damage. I can't even imagine feeling like I had to isolate my pain because I couldn't bring it up on my blog. But I'm happy that you could find another space to express that pain, Jennifer and I hope that writing about it has helped a little.

  5. Awww...Jen, I feel horrible for you right now. It's strange, because I was wondering why, after so many posts featuring the two of you, I no longer saw the person in question on your blog. It seemed so sudden; but honestly, it was the right move to you. You are an incredible, fabulous person; and no one like that deserves to have you in their life. :)

  6. My dear Jen, I am so so so sorry that this happened to you :(. I've 'broken up' with best friends in the past, and I know how it feels ... it's like heartbreak. One of my ex-best friends - who really was like a sister to me - is my now-husband's cousin, and I met him through her, so I can never cut her out of my life, but her behavior in the past has really hurt me. I'm sending you strength and love, and I really wish we were in the same city so I could fill the gap as your new best friend :P! I promise I would shower you with compliments instead of insults!

    Love you!


  7. I'm so sorry to hear Jen. Actually it did occur to me that I hadn't heard about her for a while and I kind of guessed that's who you were referring to on FB - always sucks to lose a close friend but it does sound like you are seriously better off without her in your life. I totally agree with the other commentators, in that you are worth more than that.

  8. jennifer! she sounds like such a terrible friend and you do not need that in your life! we all love you to pieces :) so as difficult as it is to lose somebody close to you, you need to remember that you will never be alone :) you still have all of your amazing fans!


  9. Oh I love Jen! Its so sad what happened to her..but you are right most of us have been there..sometime we hold on to someone who in some way we know is not really good for us..but they are not all that bad so it becomes a very difficult and struggling relationship...at the end I think it was the best...I think she will get through it and be happier eventually...she is a strong girl!
    BTW I really liked your blog so cool Jen gave me the link...please stop by my blog anytime!

    The Black Label

  10. aww man that is really sad :( but just know even though it is hard you still did the right thing and it will eventually get better!!

  11. Oh man- I have heard a few other horror stories like this enough to know that these situations are in fact real- but man when i hear them I wish they weren't true! No one deserves to be treated badly, and its frustrating when it feels like mutual friends don't see it or they are still in your world. Good for you for moving on- It will get easier as time goes on! I hope posting over here helps you vent a bit :)

  12. Oh my goodness Jen, I'm so sorry that you have endured this. I'm sure that you will find a much better best friend who will treat you like you should be. You are such a sweet, beautiful, and amazing girl! Just remember, only stay close to those individuals in life who are create positive energy in which to surround yourself with. Any negative energy will only be a detriment to you, and you should stay far away! I have had to do that in my own life - cut ties with certain people (1 in particular) who is constantly competing with me in the most mentally disturbed and seriously psychotic ways. The only solution is to stay far away unfortunately, but I know that it is for the best!

    Much love sweetie!

  13. Great Post
    It is a sucky situation loosing a friend like that. You trusted her and then BAM she stopped caring. I had a friend recently that i was so close to once and all of a sudden she just stopped hanging out with me ? What causes that ? ANyway great post its relate-able and going to nyc and museums is not bad ur keeping it classy !!

  14. Oh honey, I'm so so sorry you've had to deal with this and not even have your blog to vent on! My heart truly goes out to you.

    First of all, don't be hard on yourself for feeling hurt and maybe even feeling destroyed these past 5 months. I think I told you that about a year ago I had to cut off many negative people in my life that unfortunately I listened to and got very depressed because of it. I took what they thought of me to heart and felt like I wasn't good enough. Seriously Jen - I ended up in the hospital because nutritionally I did not take care of myself (I've never mentioned it on my blog because they read my blog too sometimes). Thank God it only taught me that it is not worth it to let people hurt me that bad and that if they hurt me that bad - they don't deserve to be in my life.

    So my point is - just as the others have said, you are SO SO much more important to take care of than putting up with her BS. She is not the kind of friend that you need in your life and even though it hurts, you will only be a stronger person because of it. It's hard to see someone you love turn on you or perhaps go through a hard time herself and not be the person she used to be.

    Just remember - you are worth so much more and deserve friends that love you for you. Currently because I cut out so many friends last year before I quit my job and moved back to UT - I don't have many friends left. But in the process of letting go, I have been blessed with a few new friends that I know I can trust. You have to be able to trust the person and be you. I know value the true friendships more now than ever and more important than a social life is that you have to be you. You will find some new friends. Trust me - I don't have many friends in UT (two only but hardly see them) and I'm making it through. You will too sweetie.

    I'm so proud of you and if you ever need to vent or talk, I'm here. Love you bloggy friend. xoxo.

  15. Oh Jen!
    I am so sorry to hear this, my heart goes out to you. A friend of mine did this to me once, am glad she is not in my life anymore.
    Someday this friend of yours is gonna crash and burn, and when she does,I simply hope your door remains closed when she comes crawling back
    If you need me to beat her up, just ask,

  16. that sounds so terrible, Jen, i have been reading ur blog, its amazing, and u dont need a person like tht in ur life, You are extraordinary, ur writing is amazing. Dont worry, u will feel so much better now.

    With love

  17. Jen. I hope you're doing okay. I felt terrible reading this.

    I'm guessing I know who this is from your blog. It's shocking how close people can be to each other and how easy it can be for one of them to stab the other in the back. I think we've all been there at one point too, which is even sadder, because that just means there are a lot of these types of people out there.

    I hope you're hanging in there and I hope it gave you some closure to talk about it.

  18. I love Jen!!! I'm so very sorry she's going through such heartbreak and yes you're right we all been there but you would think at our age this sort of childish behavior shouldn't be going on anymore. Leave it to the HS mean girls..

    JEN: sorry love but I know you will rise from this a better/stronger/wiser woman because you won't let anything or anyone defeat you...You're better than that. I agreed with you don't delete her just block her news feed and go out and meet new people after all "You're Fucken AWESOME...RIGHT?

    Love you and stay strong.!

    <3 Marina

  19. Thanks to everyone for the sweet comments. It really means a lot to me. I say this a lot, but it really amazes me that in my own city, I somehow manage to surround myself with crazy bitches, but on Blogger I find the sweetest, most sincere friends a girl could ask for. In that respect, I'm pretty freaking lucky. :)

    Amber, you're a rock star. I love you!

  20. Awe I love you too Jen! It really warms my heart to see (and be a part of) such a wonderful network of support of to you. The unfortunate person in this situation the girl who treated you so horribly. She didn't know what she was losing.
    You unlike her, will come out all the better for it.

  21. I know how horrible you feel... I have gone thru shit worse than you with my severely mentally imbalanced friend.. First she constantly bitched behind my back while I got her a job and friends and then she slept with my then cheating boyfriend.. After that she started dating another ex of mine.. It sucks! I know how excruciating the pain is!

    I've cut out all these negative people from my life! Its not worth it...

    Hope you recover just like I am trying to!


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