A Lifestyle blog based in Sonoma County, in the heart of Wine Country. Amber is an outspoken voice for local activism, local wine tourism, and more.

A Letter to You

My dear friend, it has been some time since I have written to you, directly. In the past I have told you about my relationships, my anxiety, and my struggle with mental health.

These are surreal times. Anxious times. Even now as I type, I find myself holding my breath, because I too am struggling. The employer that I work for has been deemed as a part of the critical infrastructure sector. So for now, I work. My schedule remains the same, and I work each day to do my part in securing the on-going success of the company. During work hours I can distract myself from the outside world, and my inner thoughts. But when I come home...my mind is a field full of landmines of unpredictable worries, and concerns.

Is it like this for you too? My mother and sister have been sick recently. They do not have COVID-19. There was a window of time where we feared that they did, but aside from a fever, the symptoms are not a match.

I am scared. I cry at times for no apparent reason. When I speak about current circumstances, I tear up. When I see friends at a distance and cannot embrace them, I tear up. I have heard it said that “the body knows before the mind” and I am doing my best to “listen”. When I begin to cry without a seemingly obvious reason (such as an argument, or physical pain), I have learned that this is my first signal that I am suppressing something. And I have to finally admit that what I am suppressing is fear.

As human as it may sound, a part of me has believed that I am infinite - or perhaps untouchable would be a better word.  Not in a holy, deity-type of way, but in a I have not contemplated my own risk in these unprecedented times. This virus has brought me face-to-face with the surreal reality that everyone that you and I know is touched by this in one way or another.

I want so badly to write you something heartfelt, beautiful, and encouraging. I want so badly to be eloquent in a time like this. I want to give you a relief from the chaos. And I am frustrated with myself in that I do not know how.

Instead, I will make a request of us: to remember what makes us human. Fear can do ugly things - it can make us forget our neighbors, coworkers, and friends. I am asking you to see yourself and your loved ones reflected in a strangers face. When there is an “invisible enemy” the fear can be tantamount to times of war, and neighbor turning against neighbor. But that is not who I am, or who we are. We are a community that looks out for one another. We are a community that fights for one another, and takes cautionary steps to keep each other healthy and safe. We are a community. Neither race, nor creed or belief, sexual orientation, or nationality can change this: we are human, and we look out for one another. This is my only request of you, my dear.

That, and to please hold on. This anxious state of mind will not be forever. All Floods Go, as they must. We will get through this, together. I promise.

Photo credit: Lauren Allaina
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A Mused Blog | A Northern California Sonoma County Blog