It's Just a Moment


I’ve been feeling a little down lately. Nothing too over the top - rather it comes in fleeting moments of fear, or a sudden pang of questioning everything. It doesn’t last; it’s just a moment. Today so far I’ve had a couple of those moments. I’m still in my pajamas, contacts not in, and teeth still not brushed.


Scent is a powerful memory trigger. An intoxicating elixir that can trigger moments of memory seemingly forgotten. Today I’m wearing Coco Chanel. It’s rich, warm, and reminds me of trailer parks. It reminds me of the times when my boyfriend and I used to sleep on a twin mattress, before I had a proper closet, and before I had a job that I was regularly scheduled for. We lived in a tiny studio apartment (just one of two) that was also part of a trailer park. A meth lab blew up there once. Every spring there were beautiful cherry blossoms that the breeze would blow off the branches, and on to my doorstep. The same doorstep that a cocaine dealer was arrested on Thanksgiving day. The same doorstep that baby frogs used to slip under when it rained.


I used to hang large white sheets from the ceiling. I could never find a hammer, so I used to use the heel of my favorite shoe: Balancing on my bed, hair a mess, teeth un-brushed, hammering nails into the ceiling with my Miu Miu heels. I would then take a shower, do my makeup and get dressed. I didn’t have a tripod then so I would balance my Sony point and shoot on the counter, on top of a can of powdered Ghirardelli baking chocolate. Self-timer. Pose. Smile. Flash. Edit. Those were my days.


Things are different now. No more meth labs, no more cherry blossoms. My boyfriend and I now live close to a nature reserve: a towering mountain that either lies behind or before me, depending on where I stand. I’m sure there’s a metaphor. Things are different now. We have furniture. A queen sized bed. Separate rooms.

I’ve been feeling a little down lately. Nothing too over the top - rather it comes in fleeting moments of fear, or a sudden pang of questioning everything. It doesn’t last; it’s just a moment. Scent is a powerful memory trigger. And today, it’s Coco Chanel. 

6 comments

Shybiker said...

Dear, dear friend. I'm sorry for your troubles. It's normal to feel this way after an accident. Find solace where you can; enjoying a scent is good therapy. Your confidence and mood will improve with time.
Your anecdote is charming. We can picture you hammering with your shoe. :)

Samantha Owens said...

This was beautifully written, the imagery was perfect. It was all understandable, although the idea of baby frogs slipping under the door is to me adorable and I probably would have been okay with that. :) I hope you are doing better, and I know that things will get better soon.

Dayle Pereira said...

So beautiful, Amber. I know things seem tough right now but I promise you, it all passes. Just give yourself a little time to heal.

Raven Locks said...

This could be considered a poem :)


Yes...scent is a powerful thing. Whenever I smell my old perfume (Ralph by Ralph Lauren) on someone else, it takes me back to when I was 18. I love it and hate it at the same time.


I really like Coco Chanel. I still need that in my collection. It's a timeless scent. I also like Chance.


Hope you feel better, Amber! <3


xo Azu

Amber said...

Thank you Azu

John Smith said...

I get it... This is beautiful.

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A Mused Blog | A Northern California Sonoma County Blog